What if pleasure was the care you’ve been missing?
You journal, stretch and meditate. You show up for others, meet your deadlines, do what’s expected. But when was the last time you truly tuned into your body - really listened - without guilt, pressure or performance?
Self-care is often painted in shades of green juice and scented candles. But there’s a layer of it that goes deeper. Quieter. Intimate. One that brings you home to yourself. That’s where sexual self-care comes in. It’s an essential and intimate practice that’s often overlooked in the mainstream conversation about self-care, yet it holds the key to unlocking deeper emotional, physical and mental wellbeing.
Why sexual self-care matters - more than you think
Pleasure isn’t frivolous. It’s foundational.
Sexual self-care is the practice of tending to your sensual, erotic and emotional needs - not as an afterthought, but as a core part of your wellbeing. It’s about nurturing your body, embracing curiosity, and reclaiming intimacy as something soft, spacious and deeply personal.
In a world that often pressures us to put others’ needs before our own, sexual self-care challenges the belief that prioritizing our own pleasure is selfish. Quite the opposite - it’s a form of self-respect and empowerment. It’s about carving out time and space to connect with yourself in an intimate, non-judgmental way, allowing you to be fully present in your own body.
And beyond the emotional value, there’s also science backing this practice: regular self-pleasure can lower cortisol levels, support better sleep, improve body image and help regulate mood. When we embrace sexual self-care, we’re not only nurturing our physical and emotional health, but also strengthening our mental resilience.
In fact, intimacy - whether with yourself or with others - has been linked to improved heart health, stronger immune function and even cognitive sharpness. These physiological benefits are a clear reminder that sexual wellbeing is just as crucial as physical and mental health. So, no, it’s not selfish. It’s one of the most grounding, generous things you can do for yourself and for those you care about.
5 ways to explore sexual self-care (your way)
There’s no right or wrong way to begin. These suggestions are simply invitations - soft doors you can walk through at your own pace. Whether you’re just starting to explore sexual self-care or you’ve been practicing it for a while, there’s no rush. The journey is yours and it’s all about discovering what feels right for you.
1. Reconnect with your body through gentle exploration
Start slow. Let your touch be curious, not goal-oriented. Breathe deeply, close your eyes and check in: Where do you feel warmth? Tension? Desire? Sensation?
The first step to exploring sexual self-care is simply tuning into your body. You might be surprised at how often we ignore the signals our body sends us in favor of pushing through the day-to-day grind. However, when you start to slow down and pay attention, you might notice areas of your body that crave attention and touch.
Using soft, body-safe vibrators can help you rediscover sensation with subtlety and ease. These tools aren’t about performance, they’re about presence, connection and honoring your body’s needs without any expectation. They provide a way to explore sensation in a gentle and non-pressured environment.
Feel like trying this tonight? Explore our intimacy essentials to help you begin your journey into self-discovery.
2. Make space for sensual rituals
Intimacy doesn’t have to be spontaneous to be real. In fact, creating intentional rituals can help regulate your nervous system and increase emotional safety. Establishing a regular sensual routine can also help you feel more grounded in your body and more comfortable exploring your sensual side.
Try lighting a massage candle, dimming the lights and letting time slow down. The warm, aromatic oils melt into the skin, offering a nurturing experience for both mind and body. Sensual rituals like these don’t have to take a long time to be effective. Even just ten minutes can be enough to shift your energy and help you reconnect with yourself.
Rituals are about slowing down and creating space where you can give yourself the attention you deserve. They also help create a sense of intimacy, not just with your body, but with your inner self as well.
3. Use pleasure tools that support your body
Let your pleasure be supported, not rushed. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that pleasure is something we should rush or that it must be experienced in a certain way. But self-care doesn’t work that way - pleasure should be nurtured, not hurried.
Products like lubricants can ease friction and enhance sensation, allowing you to be fully present in the moment. These products aren’t just about improving physical comfort, they’re about allowing you to stay in a relaxed, mindful state so you can explore what feels good. Whether you’re engaging in solo exploration or connecting with a partner, these tools make the experience more comfortable and enjoyable.
Small accessories can also enhance your experience, turning something ordinary into something deeply satisfying. You deserve the extra layer of care that these tools offer, not because you need them, but because they support your right to feel good.
Not sure how to choose the best toy for you? Find out here.
4. Allow desire without judgment
Your desire doesn’t need to be justified or explained. It just exists.
So often, we find ourselves second-guessing our desires or feeling like we need to hide them. But sexual self-care invites you to embrace your desires without judgment. Whether you’re exploring fantasies, reading erotic literature or simply noticing what brings you to life, let it be okay. Let it be yours.
It’s important to accept that your desires are valid, regardless of how they manifest. Sometimes, just acknowledging and embracing them is an act of self-love. You might even try a journaling prompt like: “When do I feel most connected to my sensuality?” - this simple act of reflection can help you understand yourself more deeply and further explore your sexual self-care.
You can also explore intimacy spaces like our Playground, which offers workshops and resources for shame-free learning. These resources can help you create a positive, empowering relationship with your own sexuality, free from societal stigma.
5. Communicate with compassion - with yourself and others
One of the most powerful acts of sexual self-care is honest, kind communication. With your partner, with your body, with yourself. Sexuality is about connection, and connection starts with communication.
Try naming what feels good. What doesn’t. What you’re curious about. Therapy, journaling or simply having an open conversation with a partner can help you better understand your needs, desires and boundaries. This type of communication creates space for more intimacy, greater clarity and deeper connection.
From taboo to tenderness
Many of us were taught to view sexuality as something hidden - something to be controlled, managed or kept quiet. But what if pleasure didn’t have to be earned?
What if it was something we could return to, like breath? Like rest?
Sexual self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s a rhythm. A remembering. A soft, empowering way to come back to yourself - again and again. The act of nurturing your sexual self isn’t about checking something off a list: it's about allowing yourself to experience intimacy on your own terms. It’s about knowing that your pleasure matters and it’s worth prioritizing.
So, the next time you think of self-care, don’t stop at the surface. Give yourself permission to feel deeper. To listen. To follow what feels good. You deserve that.
You don’t need a special occasion to feel close to yourself. You just need a moment of curiosity, breath, and care. Start exploring your pleasure - at your pace, your way.
