Ever catch yourself wondering if your sex life is normal or good enough? Maybe you’ve thought, “Should we be doing this more often?” or “Is everyone else having better sex than me?” It’s so easy to get tangled up in what we think our sex lives should look like. At Mellow, we’re all about letting go of those expectations and having a little fun with it. There’s no manual for this: your sex life is your playground, and it’s time to enjoy every moment of it.
So, What Are SEXPECTATIONS?
Sexpectations are those sneaky little ideas that creep in, making us feel like there’s a gold standard for how sex should be. They’re like the uninvited guest at the party, always whispering things like, “Is this really enough?” or “Shouldn’t it be more like the movies?”
The thing is, these expectations usually do more harm than good, leaving us stressed, anxious, and second-guessing ourselves. But here’s a secret: There’s no “normal” when it comes to sex. The only rule? Do what feels right for you and your partner, and leave the rest behind.
Busting the biggest myths about sex and intimacy
We’ve all picked up silent rules about how sex “should” be, from rom-com fantasies to unrealistic social media posts. These sexpectations create pressure, disconnect us from our desires, and leave many people wondering if their sex life is “normal.”
Here’s the truth: There’s no one-size-fits-all formula for intimacy. Let’s break down some of the most common myths that might be holding you back and replace them with something better.
Myth 1: Everyone else is having more sex than you
- There’s no magic number when it comes to how often you “should” be having sex. What’s “normal in a sex life” varies wildly from couple to couple. Frequency doesn’t define connection.
- Takeaway: Instead of focusing on how often, focus on how meaningful your intimate moments are. Make the time you do spend together count - whether it’s a long, romantic evening or a quick but loving connection.
Myth 2: Sex should always be spontaneous and passionate
- Reality check: Real life isn’t a rom-com. Sometimes, making time for each other is more about setting the mood than waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
- Takeaway: Plan for intimacy just like you would for anything else that matters in your life. Light some candles, play your favourite music, and create an environment that invites connection, sometimes the anticipation can be just as exciting as spontaneity.
Myth 3: Great sex means looking perfect and performing flawlessly
- Reality check: Spoiler alert: Real sex is messy, funny, and wonderfully imperfect. The best moments often happen when we let go of trying to be perfect and just enjoy the ride.
- Takeaway: Let go of the pressure to be perfect and focus on the fun. Laugh at the awkward moments, embrace the imperfections, and remember that the best connections happen when you’re fully present and authentic.
Myth 4: Everyone’s trying wild, adventurous things except you
- Reality check: It’s easy to think that everyone else is having a more adventurous sex life, but the truth is, most people are just doing what feels comfortable for them.
- Takeaway: It’s okay to stick with what you enjoy. If you want to try something new, do it because it excites you - not because you feel you’re “supposed” to. Your comfort and connection are what truly matter.
Myth 5: If you’re not in the mood, something’s wrong
- Reality check: Libido can fluctuate for a million reasons - stress, hormones, or just a busy day. Not being in the mood is perfectly normal and doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or your relationship.
- Takeaway: Give yourself grace. Communicate openly with your partner and know that it’s okay to take a rain check. Intimacy is about more than just sex, it’s about emotional connection, too.
Finding your own sexy path
Alright, so how do we start living by our own rules and make our sex lives feel, well, more us? Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Talk it out (seriously)
Let’s start with a chat. Sit down with your partner and have an open, no-pressure talk about what you both enjoy, what you’d like to try, and what doesn’t really work for you. No need for a rehearse: just be real, be curious, and have a little fun with it.
Celebrate the little moments
Sex isn’t just about those steamy, movie-worthy scenes. It’s about the quiet touches, the shared smiles, and the moments of pure, simple connection. Start noticing and celebrating those small moments - they’re where the magic really happens.
Forget perfect (and embrace the fun!)
Let’s be honest: perfection is overrated. The best sex is often the kind that’s full of laughter, a little bit of awkwardness, and a lot of love. So next time things don’t go exactly as planned, laugh it off and keep going. It’s all part of the fun.
Try something new together
Whether you’re flying solo or with a partner, don’t be afraid to mix things up.
Explore something new: a different setting, a playful toy, or just a change in routine. The key is to keep things light, fun, and full of curiosity.
Let’s Make It About Joy
At the end of the day, your sex life should be about joy, connection, and whatever makes you feel good. Forget the sexpectations and focus on what brings you and your partner closer, both in bed and out. There’s no “right” way to do this—there’s just your way.
So, what’s the next step in your sexy adventure? Maybe it’s a heart-to-heart, a playful experiment, or just giving yourself a break from the pressure. Whatever it is, Mellow is here to cheer you on. Let’s make this journey fun, joyful, and uniquely yours.
People often ask:
Is it normal to not always feel in the mood?
Yes. Libido naturally fluctuates due to stress, health, cycles, and emotional states. Communicate openly and let intimacy adapt with you.
Can mismatched libidos ruin a relationship?
Not if you talk about it. Differences in desire are common and don’t mean you’re incompatible. What matters is how you navigate them together. Honest, non-blaming conversations, shared creativity, and being open to exploring intimacy in different ways can help bridge the gap both emotionally and physically.
How can I talk to my partner about sex without feeling awkward?
Start gently and be honest. Frame it as curiosity rather than criticism. Use humor, reassurance, and timing that feels safe and relaxed.
Is planned sex less exciting than spontaneous?
Not at all. Planning can build anticipation, deepen emotional intimacy, and make time for real connection specially in busy lives.
